Motherhood

As you can imagine, maternity has been a big topic around the Culbertson household. Dianna is constantly reading about being a mama. She's read books like Baby Wise, What to Expect When You Are Expecting, What to Do When You're Puking, and What to Expect from Your Husband When You're Expecting. She's read magazine article after magazine article telling her to lay on her left side, eat saltine crackers, buy a giant pillow, and to not take out the cat litter.

But Dianna isn't the only mama around the house. Our outside cat, Miss Madison, is now the proud mother of 4. Let me take this opportunity to tell you the story of Miss Madison...

When Dianna moved into the house last summer, this little calico cat started hanging around the house. It looked like it was starving. We tried to get rid of her, but she kept coming back, so we started feeding her. It's my understanding that once you feed a cat, it's yours. Well, we fed her for the next 3 months.
Then, one cool, rainy night in the Fall, we hear a knock at the door. I opened the door, to find our neighbor, "Mrs. Smith." Mrs. Smith is in her 70s, and I had visited with her a few times. She is a disgruntled former member of our church, which meant my visits with her consisted of her listing the millions of things wrong with our congregation. She left years ago due to some silly 'conflict' with a former preacher. So she's standing at my door, in the rain, with Miss Madison in her hands. The conversation proceeded as follows:
Her: "Hi. I'm Mrs. Smith"
My Thought: "I was at your house last week, I know who you are."
Her: "I've come to get my cat, Rascal."
My Thought: "RASCAL?? What a stupid name."
Me: "Oh, okay. We considered her our cat."
Her: "Well, if you had been out here when I came up, you would have seen how she recognized me."
My Thought: "Is this old lady really about to take our cat?"
Me: "I see."
Her: "If you wouldn't put food out for her, she wouldn't come over here. She's been a bad kitty. She had some kittens and then ran off and left them. She's a bad mommy."
Me: "Oh. We didn't know that."
My Thought: "Lady, you've got 50 cats, how did you even realize this one was missing?!"
Her: "Well, I better get her home. Just don't put any food out for her anymore."
My Thought: "She's doing it. She's stealing our cat. That old shrew is stealing our cat. The nerve!"
Me: "Yes ma'am. Have a good night."
*Que the Wicked Witch of the West theme music*

I turn around from the door to find Dianna sitting there weeping. It was at this moment that I wished all my thoughts had been my words. I really was floored that this woman who already had 50 cats would come to our house at night, in the cold, in the rain and take our cat! But I couldn't start a fight with this lady over a cat.

I should mention that Mrs. Smith's backyard is basically attached to our backyard, so Miss Madison (or Rascal...again, what a stupid name...) was back at our house within 2 hours. The cat stayed with us, and has lived happily ever after. THE END.

Mrs. Smith says that Miss Madison was a "bad mommy," but I have evidence that she is a great mother:

The custody of the kittens has yet to be determined.