The Man Cold

I (along with nearly everyone else in the county!) have been sick recently. The following is a perfect reenactment of my sickness...




Poor Dianna!

Ex-Pres Humor

This is funny stuff...

We Yearbooked Thomas!

There's nothing like having a good laugh at the expense of your own child... the joys of fatherhood! (Chris, you're gonna be a pro!) Some of the pictures of Thomas looked evil (baby's face on a teenager's body -- weird). Here are the funny ones...

He looks like a gangster!
Thomas 'Babyface' Malone

Hillarious

The Afro

The fat kid picture worked well!

I can't wait until he grows up and I can show him these!

Yearbook Yourself!

There's a new craze that seems to be sweeping the blogosphere. I'm usually not a jump-on-the-bandwagon kind of guy, but I just had to with this one!

1952

1964- Just before my parents graduated (they looked much better than this!) 1970- There's not a doubt in my mind that this is indeed what I would've looked like in 1970 (minus the glasses).
1984 - There's not a doubt in my mind that this is NOT what I would've looked like in the 1980s!

1992

If you think these are bad, you should see my real HS pictures!

Calling All Wise Men!

A Christmas Quandary...

It's Thomas' first Christmas, and Dianna & I are wondering whether or not to buy him a gift. Just the thought of us not buying this sweet child a gift is enough for some of you to call Social Services... I know. But here's the deal:

1. We're not rich. (Quite the opposite actually)
2. The grandparents are going to smother him with gifts.
3. Don't diapers & Enfamil count for something?
4. No matter how merry we make Dec. 25, 2007, he's not going to remember any of it.

So what do you think? Should 'Baby's First Christmas' come with a gift?
_

As you ponder the topic at hand, here are a few pics from the '07 Christmas photo shoot.

Mr. Clean

Thomas is 1 month & 1 day old now, and he just received his first bath! You're probably wondering why we haven't bathed our child in all this time. The doctors said we had to wait for his umbilical cord thingy (actual medical terminology) to fall off. Dianna has washed him, but today was the first time using the bath tub.

Here are a few pictures...

Top Ten Things I Missed About the Palmetto State

10. Bi-Lo - The name fits.

9. Hash - Beef or pork cooked in black kettles all night long. Add a little butter, onions, vinegar, & mustard-based BBQ, serve over rice or white bread, and you're ready for a July 4th celebration! Check your local Lion's Club or Baptist Men's group for details.

8. Bojangles - The seasoned fries are better than ever!

7. Southern Accents - Down here, we just talk different. We don't own a garden hose; we own a hose pipe. We don't press buttons, we mash 'em. We understand that the English language does have a plural form of you... y'all. We might could stop talking like this, but then we'd be just like them boring Yankees!

6. Friendly Folks - "How you?" "Fine, you?" I had that conversation with almost everyone at the grocery store on Monday.

5. Dukes Mayonnaise - Stir a little in your mashed potatoes and taste the difference.

4. Black People - Indiana has a black population of like 10 people. Our black neighbors help make Southern culture what it is. I missed y'all!

3. Mustard-based BBQ - Nothing could be finer (especially Maurice's). Throw in a couple of hush puppies on the side and you've got some good eatin'.

2. Kinfolk - My family has been in SC since the 1700's. I belong here.

1. State Pride - We all love South Carolina. If you don't believe it, just ask us or notice the tons of SC paraphernalia on our cars! And with a list like this, how could we not be proud of our home state?

I leave you with a Confederate campfire song (to the tune of "At the Cross").

Take me home to the place where I first saw the light,

to the sweet sunny South take me home,

where the mockingbird sang me to rest every night.

Oh! Why was I tempted to roam?

You Write the Caption

Queen Elizabeth is in town, which means everyone is on their best behavior. In our neck of the woods, the staff at Churchill Downs took a class on proper etiquette when greeting her majesty. Too bad someone didn't do the same for President Bush. Apparently, during her welcoming service at the White House, he almost said she toured the U.S. in 1776 (meaning 1976). Catching himself, he stopped mid-sentence, turned to the Queen and... winked! That's right. He winked at the Queen of England. You've got to love George W.

I found this picture of the Bush winking at the Queen. Leave a comment, suggesting a caption for the picture. (My caption is below)

Love that hat, Liz!

Motherhood

As you can imagine, maternity has been a big topic around the Culbertson household. Dianna is constantly reading about being a mama. She's read books like Baby Wise, What to Expect When You Are Expecting, What to Do When You're Puking, and What to Expect from Your Husband When You're Expecting. She's read magazine article after magazine article telling her to lay on her left side, eat saltine crackers, buy a giant pillow, and to not take out the cat litter.

But Dianna isn't the only mama around the house. Our outside cat, Miss Madison, is now the proud mother of 4. Let me take this opportunity to tell you the story of Miss Madison...

When Dianna moved into the house last summer, this little calico cat started hanging around the house. It looked like it was starving. We tried to get rid of her, but she kept coming back, so we started feeding her. It's my understanding that once you feed a cat, it's yours. Well, we fed her for the next 3 months.
Then, one cool, rainy night in the Fall, we hear a knock at the door. I opened the door, to find our neighbor, "Mrs. Smith." Mrs. Smith is in her 70s, and I had visited with her a few times. She is a disgruntled former member of our church, which meant my visits with her consisted of her listing the millions of things wrong with our congregation. She left years ago due to some silly 'conflict' with a former preacher. So she's standing at my door, in the rain, with Miss Madison in her hands. The conversation proceeded as follows:
Her: "Hi. I'm Mrs. Smith"
My Thought: "I was at your house last week, I know who you are."
Her: "I've come to get my cat, Rascal."
My Thought: "RASCAL?? What a stupid name."
Me: "Oh, okay. We considered her our cat."
Her: "Well, if you had been out here when I came up, you would have seen how she recognized me."
My Thought: "Is this old lady really about to take our cat?"
Me: "I see."
Her: "If you wouldn't put food out for her, she wouldn't come over here. She's been a bad kitty. She had some kittens and then ran off and left them. She's a bad mommy."
Me: "Oh. We didn't know that."
My Thought: "Lady, you've got 50 cats, how did you even realize this one was missing?!"
Her: "Well, I better get her home. Just don't put any food out for her anymore."
My Thought: "She's doing it. She's stealing our cat. That old shrew is stealing our cat. The nerve!"
Me: "Yes ma'am. Have a good night."
*Que the Wicked Witch of the West theme music*

I turn around from the door to find Dianna sitting there weeping. It was at this moment that I wished all my thoughts had been my words. I really was floored that this woman who already had 50 cats would come to our house at night, in the cold, in the rain and take our cat! But I couldn't start a fight with this lady over a cat.

I should mention that Mrs. Smith's backyard is basically attached to our backyard, so Miss Madison (or Rascal...again, what a stupid name...) was back at our house within 2 hours. The cat stayed with us, and has lived happily ever after. THE END.

Mrs. Smith says that Miss Madison was a "bad mommy," but I have evidence that she is a great mother:

The custody of the kittens has yet to be determined.

We're Having A...

Dianna & I went to the hospital today for the ultrasound. At first, the black and white blob made absolutely no sense, but the technician (who was a really nice Christian lady) explained it all. After about 1 minute on the screen, she spotted something that looked like a lima bean with something sticking out of it. Apparently, that meant it was a...

BOY!!

Upon hearing this news, I placed both arms in the air, fists clinched, in a sign of "Victory!" My prayers for a firstborn son have been answered, and we are absolutely thrilled! The ultrasound showed more than private parts, though. We saw his face (he was sucking his thumb), his little feet (Dianna's favorite part), and he even mooned us a few times.

_

Now, we just need help picking a name. Had it been a girl, we had a great name picked out, but the boy names have been a debate for us. Give us your preference:

_

FULL NAME / CALLED NAME

a) Joshua Thomas Culbertson / Joshua Thomas or Thomas

b) Joshua Ethan Culbertson / Ethan

c) Joshua Eli Culbertson / Eli

d) Joshua Luke Culbertson / Luke

e) Jimmy Dean Culbertson / "Bubba"

I'll keep you posted on the final decision.

YouTube Theology

If you haven't already seen this video of John Piper, you've got to check it out. It's pretty dang funny. Could this be the new way to teach total depravity to the next generation?? Enjoy!

John Piper is Bad

Our Part of the Globe Isn't Warming

Some scientists are beginning to doubt the validity of the Global Warming theory. Notice the word "theory" there. It's a word that is conveniently dropped from every news program that I watch. But we're hearing quite a bit recently of people who are questioning Global Warming. I think I'm with them... and I have proof! The thermometer below reads 21 or so, but it's usually 10 degrees higher than the actual temp. In fact, yesterday was the first day we have been over freezing in 2 weeks! Enjoy some of the pics from our Winter Wonderland.

My recommendation to the scientists is to wait until spring or summer before trying to convince me of Global Warming... maybe then I'll buy it. But our research in Indiana does show that cats prefer hairballs over snowballs... here's proof. The cats used for research are Miss Madison (the calico cat), Calvin (the black cat), and Fraidy (the white cat who won't let you pet him). Miss Madison was OK with the snow, she even rolled around in it. But Calvin hated it! Both he and Fraidy were doing their best to keep their paws off the snow.

That's the news from Brooksburg. What's happening in your neck of the woods?

Father Josh

Don't worry. I haven't joined the Roman Catholic Priesthood. I'm going to be a father! Yes, just 3 months into our first blissful year of marriage, and Dianna and I are expecting. We're really excited. But I'm still trying to picture myself as a father. I need your help.

In your opinion, which of the following dads will I be most like?

Frank Barone, the Cranky Dad

Ward Cleaver, the All-Knowing Dad

Cliff Huxtable, the Hillarious Dad

Archie Bunker, the Clueless Dad

Meet Calvin

John Calvin was a French Protestant theologian during the Protestant Reformation and was a central developer of the system of Christian theology called Calvinism or Reformed theology. This man caused quite a stir in his day and continues to draw heated conversation among many Christians -- especially Southern Baptists. His practices and teachings have caused quite a few clashes both in his lifetime and in ours.

Today, another Reformer has come. He, too, is stirring up a lot of trouble. I want to introduce him to you because he has reformed our household... completely changed it. Where we once slept peacefully at night, we now are continually awakened by the sound of his voice. Where we once walked the halls of our home without giving him a thought, he is now constantly on our minds (and on our heels). He shares the same name as the great Protestant Reformer, but he does not share the same species.

It is my great privilege to introduce you to the latest and greatest Reformer... Calvin (the Cat).

PS- Today marks the 2 month anniversary of God's grace to me in giving me the godly, gorgeous Georgia girl of my dreams. I love you, Dianna.